This Beat the Brakes Off My Kids' Advent Calendar
While my kids got some weak piece of chocolate for 24 days, I was opening up punch effects, tactical vests, cases, Doc Nocturnal, Mezits, a Grub, and Cuzin Eddi! Now, in my household, we don't use swear language, so I had to call this the Slugfests Emporium of Badbuttery Advent Calendar. My wife then complained that "slugfest" sounded too violent, so I told her it's a festival for shell-less snails, and now she wants to go in the summer. But for now, I'm having too much fun posing Cuzin Eddi with his dandy reindeer onesie. It's not like one of those cheap onesies that slutty girls wear, either. It's nice. I only wear polyester, so I don't know if it's velvet or velour, but it's definitely made from a fabric that I am now jealous of. Under his onesie, Cuzin Eddi had holiday underbritches. I was insanely jealous so I had to run out to my local JCPenney and get my own pair. The cashier was like, "Oh, that's cute, you match your doll." I said, "Hey! I'm married, you harlot!" Luckily, I had my Doc Nocturnal in the car to calm me down. Doc Nocturnal had limited articulation and movement compared to Cuzin Eddi, sort of like my grandpa compared to me. I never knew I needed candy canes for any of my figures until I got some in this pack. Now all of my figures can have fresh breath and sticky hands. All of the items come in a resealable plastic shell, but I tossed that so the wife doesn't try to make me use it again next year, in case Mezco makes another one. I didn't see her rewrap the chocolate for my kids, so I'm not getting cheated next year. If someone asked how many stars I'd give this pack, I would give it 14 stars...and then I'd ask what's the threshold, and if they told me out of five stars, I'd stick with my 14. Oh, and did I mention the deluxe fanny pack that is packed in? FYI, JCPenney does not carry those...or tactical vests.
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